you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
