You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
