How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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