he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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