i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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