I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
