wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
