he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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