Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
