I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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