Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she woke up with a sticky ear
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
