Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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