I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you never un-have a 4some
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
