we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
