i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
