If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
