My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wear drunk well.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
