Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
