This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
