This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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