I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
