I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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