I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
