You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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