I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
