I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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