Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
