Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
