I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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