I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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