Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
