we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Everyone says I win the strip club
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
