Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
