I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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