Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
