Screwed.edu
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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