remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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