There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
