My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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