He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
