What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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