Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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