I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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