did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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