K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
