god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
