make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
