the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
