Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
