I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
