Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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