Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
