I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
