I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
